Oh the Horror! The five scariest zodiac signs

However ungodly it might seem, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m afraid of a few zodiac signs. So in honor of Halloween, I’ve racked my brains to compile a list of the top five types of signs that scare the crap out of me. These five are the creepiest, most bone-chillingly eerie monsters I’ve ever met. Prepare yourself.

1.  The Angry Aries – I’m not one for violence, being a live-and-let-live sort of gal, and I’ve learned the hard way the gory injuries that can happen as a result of a Wrathful Aries. The Ram’s temper is, shall we say, volatile, and should not to be tampered with. They may tell you their bark is worse than their bite – but they’re lying. Once the flame is lit, there is nothing you can do to prevent getting your ass chewed and head bitten off. I am on guard around Aries, especially when I sense tension mounting, and sanity plummeting. So naturally, being forced to live like a guest in the Stanley Hotel would make anybody a little panicky. If you want to see a ritual slaughter, piss off an Aries, or watch the Shining. But a word of caution: you won’t ever be the same.

  2. The Bloodsucking Cancer Man – An exchange with a Cancer is man is similar to that of a leech; you don’t really know he’s there until you try to get away from him, and realize he has latched on to your companionship, in a distorted symbiotic way, and now sponges off of you. I’m a gal who loves her freedom, so I get creeped out by any miniscule invasion of my independence, and these freedom vampires are about as clingy as a used dryer sheet, and seem to have a personal vendetta against my personal space. Even worse, they are incapable of doing anything alone. And they are so romantic and emotional; two things that I purposely try to avoid because they suck the life out of me! It’s terribly macabre what the Bloodsucking Cancer Man can do to a Gemini.

  3. The Scorpio – Why am I afraid of Scorpio? Let me count the ways… They’re suspicious, plotting, silent, enigmatic, and just plain freaky. So when someone reveals to me they are a Scorpio, my gut instinct is to run. Why? Because they are too damn intense! As a person who places rational coolness above passionate intensity, I am petrified by the emotional nature of Scorpio. Their feelings are just so extreme. And they fish for my secrets in an attempt to Sigmund Freud me. I feel like a plaything, or an insect caught in their sinister web of sadistic pleasure. It seems like there is always a game the Scorpio is playing, and they’re not so much games as they are schemes; schemes that I feel are trying to trap me. Sorry Scorpio, I may be your toy, but I am no one’s trap queen (please don’t seek revenge on me).

  4. The Sagittarius Male– The male Centaur seems to possess a particular type of sorcery that stuns my senses; I am unable to formulate my typical sarcastic comment, let alone any thought, and I feel compelled to abandon my discretion and join their harem. It’s a strange spell I fall under, and the worst part about it is how much I dig it. Unlike the other ghouls in this list who horrify me with their personalities, Sagittarius entrances me, like a hot wizard, and I surrender myself to do his bidding. My heart is perpetually in my throat, as I wait with baited breath to hear the calling of my spiritual soulmate. Call it witchcraft, astro-hypnosis, or simply human attraction, it is atrocious how the Sagittarius Male affects me. Like Joan Jett said, I hate myself for loving you.

5. The Silent Aquarian – If the male Centaur is my soul mate, then Aquarius should be considered my nemesis. Ok, maybe nemesis is a bit strong, but it’s the logical supposition in this theme of contraries. But hypothesis aside, I am frightened by this sign, because I can’t figure them out. AND I HATE THAT. As an air sign, it is tantamount for me to instantly comprehend the nature of the people I meet; I like to know what I’m up against. But Aquarians makes that impossible. They make me feel like a science subject stuffed in a test tube being studied. I don’t like being examined; it makes me claustrophobic, and gives me anxiety. That’s why I ran away from Scorpio. But the way Aquarians eyeball me is a different style of scrutiny that makes me want to tear my skin off, and lynch myself. The Silent Aquarian doesn’t listen with rapt interest like Scorpio in search of my shadowy secrets; instead they analyze, and make me feel like I’m on the Island of Dr. Moreau. Interested may be interesting, but it’s crossing the line when I feel like lab rat.

So there you have it, the zodiac’s creepiest creatures that make my skin crawl. They’ve occupied and inspected my brain, drained me of my freedom and sanity, and made me think twice about starting a fight. I think it’s safe to say that I’ll be keeping my distance from 4 of these freaks for quite some time (I’ll never stay away from a Sagittarius if I can help it).