Sunday, April 19th — ☉ ♈, ☽ ♓, ☿ ♈, ♀ ♊, ♂ & ♄ ♒ ♃, & ♇ ♑, ♆♓
The sun entered Taurus today, a cosmic shift that has affected my psyche.
I had a dream about the Aries last night. It was a very strange dream in that it looked like I was watching the whole thing through that kiddie pool in which Sandra Dee sees Danny Zuko’s face when she’s singing “Hopelessly Devoted to You” in Grease, except I wasn’t crooning about my hopeless devotion to him (thank god). In fact, in the dream, the Aries had texted me, saying he desperately needed to talk to me. Then he called.
Reluctantly, I picked up the phone.
“What do you want?” I snapped.
“Camille, I feel awful–” he started to say, but I cut him off.
“You should! You’re a lying, cheating piece of shit!”
“I know,” he said, sounding remorseful. “The way I treated you–”
“You mean like a child’s toy that you could just discard once you were tired of playing with me?!” I snarled into my phone before hanging up.
The Aries called me again. I picked up my phone, and hissed into the receiver, “I HATE YOU!” before I hung up.
The Aries and I went back-and-forth like this several times before I woke up, feeling like I had just been through a prize fight. It was only 8 am, and I was already emotionally drained.
Deciding it was best not to dwell on the dream (or the fact that I wished it was real, because I really want to tell the Aries that I hate him because he’s a lying, cheating POS), I started working on an article for Ecliptic.
Before I even finished a paragraph, my phone screen lit up with a text.
My stomach filled with nervous excitement.
OMG, I thought, It’s the Aries. I prophesied this situation in my dream! I’m like the notable celebrity psychic/cousin to Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick!
Turns out I’m not like the notable celebrity psychic/cousin to Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick, as the text wasn’t from the Aries, it was from Vani, who asked if I was free to chat.
After shaking away the nerves that had bubbled up from the text, I grabbed my phone to FaceTime by Taurus BFF.
Wide-eyed, with a full face of makeup, though still in her pajamas, Vani wasted no time in telling me what she wished to chat about.
“I broke up with Brennan yesterday–” she said.
“Oh, Vani, I’m sorry!” I said, closing my laptop. “Wait– who’s Brennan?”
“Some guy I hooked up with a few weeks ago, before all this Coronavirus crap,” she said breezily. “And it was really sweet: he and I are both Enneagram 4s, and we both have ADHD–”
“Yeah, that sounds super romantic,” I snided.
“You didn’t let me finish!” Vani said, exasperated. “It was sweet because Brennan’s the first guy I’ve met who’s exactly like me! I thought he was my soulmate. Kind of. Ok, not really, but we did share amazing conversations. Our ideas were all over the place, but then I realized that’s because we both have ADHD. I also realized that just because we’re both Enneagram 4s and have ADHD doesn’t mean we’re soulmates, so I broke up with him last night… over text. And before you say anything, yes, I feel bad about it, but my therapist said I’m not a bad person because of it.”
I shook my head and headed into my kitchen for some food. This type of information overload is normal for Vani, whose Sagittarius moon shoots from one thing to the next. (Or maybe that’s just her ADHD, hm…)
“But my breakup with Brennan isn’t why I called,” Vani continued. “I called because my breakup with Brennan is proof that we are in a romance slump.”
“We? Who’s we?”
“You and me. Duh,” Vani said, screwing up her face. “I’m distraught over having lost a person whom I thought was my soulmate, and you’ve been moping about the Aries–”
“I haven’t been moping,” I interrupted, grabbing a spoon and a pint of vegan snickerdoodle ice cream out my freezer, “I’ve been processing my pain.”
Vani rolled her eyes. “Whatever. The point is, I have an idea to get us both out of our romantic slumps!”
Ordinarily, I’d be all for Vani’s ideas, but given my current lack of interest in anything but brooding, I adamantly refused this one.
“Oh, come on,” she fake-begged, “it’s exactly what we need right now.”
“No, what I need right now is a column at Planetarium,” I said, taking a heaping spoonful of ice cream, “so unless you have the fast-track to that aspiration, I suggest you take this big idea and shove it up your–”
“But my idea has to do with Planetarium!” Vani whined. You didn’t have to be a psychic to sense that my Bull BFF was lying through her teeth. And poorly, I might add.
“Really? How?” I scoffed, arching an eyebrow worthy of The Rock.
“Um…Well…it has… to do with astrology!” Vani bit her lip, looking every which way but at the camera on her phone. (See what I mean: she was lying through her teeth.)
Still, my curiosity was getting the better of me.
“Alright, fine,” I sighed, and took another spoonful of ice cream. “What’s your big idea?”
Vani’s full face glowed. “We’re going to download the new Trine app–”
“Absolutely not,” I interrupted. “No way. Nope–”
“You don’t even know what Trine is,” Vani countered, narrowing her eyes.
“True, but I can ascertain from your level of excitement that it’s most likely a dating app.”
“Not just any dating app,” Vani chirped. “Trine is an astrology dating app! Well, ok, it’s a dating app that uses astrology. Actually, it’s an app for finding your Twin Flame, and it’s literally brand new, so people barely know about it.”
I put the spoon down, and looked directly at my Taurus BFF.
“Vani, you do know that Twin Flames aren’t real, right?”
She pursed her bright pink lips.
“That’s coming from the woman who believed the Aries was her Twin Flame.”
“I didn’t– he was the one who believed that crap!” I said through gritted teeth.
That was somewhat true. I first heard about Twin Flames while reading Linda Goodman’s Love Signs, though I never believed in them. Not really. The concept of Twin Flames reads like a legend: one soul is split into two bodies and the two bodies spend centuries searching for one another until they can reunite. Twin Flames allegedly have an intimate understanding of each other. They often share many of the same interests, dreams, feelings, thoughts and speech patterns, can empathize with one another’s vulnerabilities and shadows, and they feel a strong pull to be close to each other. The Aries was the first guy I had met who not only knew of, but also believed in Twin Flames. I, however, don’t. Especially not after what I experienced with him.
Still, my doubt was temporarily stymied. “Not that I care, because I don’t, but how does this Trine app work? How have they managed to figure out the formula of Twin Flames if astrologers have been trying and failing for eons?”
Vani took a big breath, and spoke hurriedly. “From what I understand, Trine matches you with people based on your birth charts, and the charts are analyzed by real astrologers, not an algorithm, so it’s legitimate human-based connections. These astrologers analyze all of your placements, your Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, and Rising signs, and your karmic debt, then they sync you with the most astrologically compatible other half– your Twin Flame.”
Vani finished, her face full of excitement.
I sighed, giving my friend a pitying look.
“Vani, I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I really can’t be distracted by a dating app at the moment, I have to find a way to get a column at Planetarium, or any other job opportunity, really. Did I tell you what’s happening at Ecliptic?”
And so I relayed to Vani my current work situation: that my Taurus boss, who is typically sensible and realistic, gave me the insensibly unrealistic task of saving her magazine, which is definitely not something that I’m currently equipped to do.
“I think I’m going to quit, because there’s no way I can do this,” I continued. “I’ve been applying for jobs, but no one will hire me. I feel like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. I mean, I’m so desperate, I even applied to Taco Bell Quarterly.”
“Ooh! What’s that?”
“I don’t want to taco ‘bout it–”
“I see you haven’t lost the ability to make dad jokes,” Vani snided, giving me a shrewd look, “which is a skill you can put to good use on Trine. After all, the best way to get inspired in life is to get with your Twin Flame — that’s a saying, right? — or, at the very least, you can virtually mix and mingle with complete strangers until you’re brimming with confidence again.”
“I am brimming with confidence,” I said, putting the ice cream back in the freezer. “I just don’t want want to join some stupid dating–”
“It’s not stupid, it’s fun,” Vani interrupted. “And lord knows you and me could use some fun at the moment. Eve Rapture said it herself on Astro Hour last night that now’s actually a good time to socialize electronically, what with Venus-in-Gemini and all.”
“Nice job working astrological transits into your Twin Flame ponzi scheme,” I scoffed. “I’m not using Venus-in-Gemini to socialize, I’m using it to climb the social ladder of success. Speaking of which, I have to get back to my horoscopes and thinking of ways to get a new job while saving my current job so I can climb said ladder of success.”
That night, after having finished an article about hopeful astrological transits, I took a long bath, and got to thinking about hope and Twin Flames.
It’s silly, really, to believe in these relationship theories — soulmates, Twin Flames, karmic partners, whatever you want to call them — when they’re just things we created to fulfill our sense of belonging. People believe in Twin Flames for the same reason they believe in aliens: to prove we are not alone. Regardless of Sun sign, people want to hope that there is one soul on this earth, one person who is physically, spiritually, and astrologically made just for us. But hope is not the same as faith, hope leaves room for doubt. And that’s really what happens when you start buying into relationship theories like Twin Flames, first you believe, then you doubt everything — yourself, your worth, your capacity to attract love — until all your hope is gone. And honestly, who wants to do that to themselves, who wants to waste hope on a made up relationship legend?
“I sure don’t,” I said to myself as I got out of the bath and headed into my bedroom.
Like I told Vani earlier, relationships are the very last thing I want to focus on right now. This stuff with Sarah and Ecliptic is serious. As much as I want another job, particularly one at Planetarium, the simple fact is the hiring market for astrologers is far from thriving, especially during this Covid-19 pandemic. And Sarah made it quite clear the other day: if I don’t find a way to make Ecliptic stand out amidst the sea of other astrology magazines, I won’t have a job at all. And my goal of getting a column at Planetarium will flush right down the drain. Still, that doesn’t help me in figuring out how the hell I’m supposed to make Ecliptic, a magazine solely devoted to astrological news stories and serious horoscopes, stand out. In a few days time, I’m going to have to face Sarah again (well, call Sarah again), and she’s not going to be happy to hear that I have zero ideas regarding Ecliptic’s reinvention (I won’t tell her that I spent the past few days applying for other jobs, though).
As I got ready for bed, my mind still raced with these thoughts. Just as I was about to call it a night, my phone buzz-buzzed on my nightstand.
It was another text from Vani. It read: “GET ON TRINE”
My Taurus friend is persistent, I thought, laughing to myself.
Just as I reached for my phone to text my BFF “HELL NO,” something stopped me.
Trine… Vani herself said the app is totally new, which means no one has written about it. And I can’t deny that Twin Flames are a popular subject of interest, though no one has ever really written about their experience with them firsthand. Maybe I can… True, relationships and dating aren’t really our style at Ecliptic, but Sarah did say she wanted something new. And what would be the harm in…? Maybe, like Vani said, I’ll have some fun…
I sat on the edge of my bed, biting my lip and eyeballing my phone.
Twin Flames and Trine… Twin Flames and Trine…
Before I could contemplate further, I grabbed my phone and downloaded the Trine app.
*please note, COSMIC CHRONICLES is a fictional series; Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this series are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.