Written by 8:00 am Horoscopes

Satiriscope: 2021 Pisces Full Moon

 It’s fishy one!

Published in the Scribe

     On Mon., Sept. 20, we have our first, last, and only Pisces Full Moon of 2021. Astrologically speaking, Full Moons are days of release and Pisces, represented by the Fish, is a sign of sacrifice. Ergo: the fishy Pisces Full Moon will encourage you to release, relinquish and/or sacrifice… something. 

     Other celestial bodies are making moves, too. 

     Mercury in Libra is making a trine– or harmonious –aspect to Jupiter in Aquarius, but is also butting heads with Pluto, the planet of transformation. Yikes. 

     This might be a day for positive thinking and planning for the future, or it might be the day you decide that UFOs are real and that the government has been covering them up since the 1950s.

     Either way, the 2021 Pisces Full Moon is auspicious, taking place at 5:55 p.m. MDT. (Sidenote: If you’re in another part of the world, then it isn’t so auspicious, because the Full Moon will take place at another time, but oh well) In numerology, the number 555 signifies looming significant changes on the horizon. Is that redundant? You betcha! 

     Nevertheless, the 2021 Pisces Full Moon will do something. What that something is, depends entirely on where the lunation lights up your chart. So, without further ado:

Your vague and inaccurate 2021 Pisces Full Moon Satiriscope

Aries ♈

     Are you holding onto the past? The answer is a resounding ‘oh hell yeah,’ but you keep telling yourself it’s no. Luckily, your self-delusion will disintegrate here shortly. Now, all you have to do is tackle your abandonment issues and severe fear of rejection and you’ll be good to go… 

Taurus ♉

     There’s a problem with your friend group. Now, I can’t say whether they ate your ham sandwich accidentally or on purpose, but– conspiracies aside –you feel isolated, abandoned and disappointed by the group’s lack of respect and appreciation for y-o-u and your sack lunch. There’s only one option left: revolt… 

Gemini ♊

     Goals made weeks ago could finally materialize. They might also perish and be reborn as something new, exciting, and different the way Marvel made, remade, and re-remade the Spiderman film franchise. First it sucked, then it really sucked (thanks, Andrew Garfield), and now it’s awesome. Oh, and maybe you’ll get a job offer?

Cancer ♋

     Chasing rainbows isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially when the rainbows keep eluding you. Keep your hopes high and your chin up, sport. Otherwise the rainbows will disappear completely and life will be a monochromatic wasteland. And you can’t have that. You desperately need color in your life… 

Leo ♌

     Like the tomb of Tutankhamun, there’s a staggering amount of treasure buried in you, but you must go digging for it. Not literally, of course. So, you can drop that shovel. I’m simply using a ‘digging’ metaphor to illustrate the importance and the benefits of self-exploration– you know what? Nevermind…   

Virgo ♍

     Vagueness has infiltrated your relationships. You’re unsure about how you feel or think about that one person you’re with. This comes at the worst time, because you were all set to break up with– wait, what was their name again? It started and ended with a letter of the alphabet… 

Libra ♎

     Let’s agree on one thing: routines suck. They never change, and it’s gross. Almost as gross as Little Caesars’ Crazy Calzony– almost. But maybe it’s not the routine that’s gross. Maybe it’s your fear of what change might bring? Maybe you should release those fears and open up to change… 

Scorpio ♏

     Self-expression. How many of us ache to communicate ourselves through art? The Full Moon is your chance to do just that. So, go ahead and take pictures of Spaghettio cans, paint your face blue or write awful poetry about love. As long as you’re having fun, you’re doing it right… 

Sagittarius ♐

     Spirit Halloween stores are open again and we both know how excited this makes you. Dressing up in ridiculous costumes is one of your fondest childhood memories. And actually, you never fell out of love with Halloween costumes. You just express this love in other ways– LARP, cosplay, drag comedy… 

Capricorn ♑

     Communication, creativity and learning. These will be explored and experienced in one of the following ways: 1) You talk to people and exchange ideas; 2) you conclude a creative project; 3) you study for a class and learn that this horoscope didn’t really tell you anything you didn’t already know…  

Aquarius ♒

     All the Small Things is a song by Blink-182. It’s not a good song nor is it relevant to your experience of the Pisces Full Moon. I just wanted to use this horoscope as an opportunity to bad mouth Blink-182 and their crappy music. And I did that, so there… 

Pisces ♓

     Please tell me you’ve stopped reading. No? UGH. Alright, I’ll make up another horoscope–oh, how about: You encounter a challenge that motivates you to intensify your efforts towards your goals, or do the opposite and do absolutely nothing which tranquilizes your efforts and begets hesitation and aimlessness towards your goals… 

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic? Head on over to Cosmic Chronicles: Astrology with Cosmic Cannibal to hear me recite your hilarious and deliberately vague 2021 Pisces Full Moon Satiriscopes. I probably should’ve mentioned that before. Oops..