Horoscopes

Here are all the Cosmic Cannibal horoscopes, read by thousands worldwide. From Mercury retrograde to new and full moons, I’ve got plenty of snarky yet savvy predictions for you to enjoy.

Your 2022 Mercury in Capricorn Horoscope

Horoscopes • One Comment

It’s a doozy!
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Your astrology reading for the 2022 Sagittarius new moon

Horoscopes

It’s a totally tubular forecast, bra.
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Venus in Sagittarius: STD or planetary transit? Let these horoscopes decide

Horoscopes

If the burning, oozing and itching continues, please contact your Doctor
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Like Jaws 3-D, Retrograde Jupiter in Pisces is a Gift that Keeps on Giving

Horoscopes

Dennis Quaid himself will approve of these satiriscopes
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Your Libra New Moon Satiriscope is a Game Changer

Horoscopes

Seriously, consider the game CHANGED. What game? Idk. THE GAME.
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Cosmic Weather Forecast: 2022 Virgo Season

Horoscopes

Sunshine. Clouds. Mercury Retrograde… the usual
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The 2022 Aquarius full moon is a heavy-hitter for these zodiac signs

Horoscopes

I’m talking Thor’s hammer type of hits, too.
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2022 Mercury in Virgo is SOOO GOOD for these zodiac signs

Horoscopes

Oh, but which signs is the question…
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