The Zodiac Abstract

Ready for the ultimate zodiac description book? 12 juicy chapters of hilarious, enlightening, and ultimately real-life astrology information. Long gone are the days of mystical mumbo jumbo and planetary puzzlement. The Zodiac Abstract is a real-world explanation of the zodiac signs, carefully composed from my years of sign-to-sign interaction and observation.

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PISCES: the omega

not every Pisces is deeply emotional or mystical and spends his or her days pondering the pits of human suffering while striving to achieve a perfect state of grace. That type of Fish is the minority – – it exists, but it is rare (like AB blood type rare). So you’re not going to be running into him or her while shopping for sneakers

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AQUARIUS: the variable

First rule of thumb with a Water Bearer: don’t expect anything except the unexpected… Aquarius organizes and draws things together. They can solve problems a hell of a lot easier than most. And Water Bearers are very gifted when it comes to understanding the wiring and machinery of things. Moreover, they rapidly recognize the patterns in life that connect one thing to another before most of the zodiac has even opened their eyes…

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CAPRICORN: the crag

We know that Capricorn is a boulder of reliability, a person that more frenzied signs and hectic families can always count on, and we know that they’re loyal and capable of handling any obstacle, personal or professional that gets in their way without the slightest complaint. But Capricorn is above all else, concerned with their reputation, and how the world sees them…

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SCORPIO: the shroud

Scorps can appreciate the wholesomeness of certain subjects or deeds, and let them be as they are. Or they can taint them and twist them into something corrupt, immoral and wicked. Light magic or black magic; virtue or vice – these are the inescapable choices Scorpios must decide between.

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LIBRA: the Equanimity

… Libra ushers in the adult half of the zodiac signs, the ones interested in something besides their possessions and personal partiality. It is the sign meant to guide the other 11 fire, earth, air, and water signs towards a more sensible and synchronized existence…

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VIRGO: the Utility

Delving into the carefully preserved conglomeration of conductivity that is Virgo can be daunting, because there are so many fine points of which to be aware and considerate. So I will borrow a bit of the sign’s discerning cognizance to check off all of their character traits. ..

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LEO: the headliner

Inside Leo, there are no deceptions or dishonesty, and nothing is hidden. So when you feast your eyes on the exuberant Lion, you see the real thing. Being real and authentic is a requirement for this fabulous fire sign, as they cannot and will not tolerate flakes, phonies, or falsehoods. Sincerity, even if it is masked by arrogance, is one of Leo’s best traits. Basically, both the Lion and the Lioness (including young cubs) are naïve. And they aren’t as equipped to handle pettiness or obscurity as some of the other more suspicious and cynical zodiac signs. Leos are, at their core generous and kind, and will do just about anything for someone in great need. ..

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